Chickens

In the past, I've been hit by a man who knew I couldn't hit him back.  At least...

... until I got my arms free from the bigger man who was holding me back.

I've also been hit by a woman who knew I couldn't hit her back.  This time, it was my upbringing that held me back.

They may seem like different situations but either way, man or woman, a coward is still a coward.

Recognize.

#yourexcusesucks

I just saw a guy say to a non-voter,"So, the good guys won. Wish you’d helped out, but we managed to pull it off without you. You’re welcome!"

Another guy said its not necessary to diss those who chose to abstain - in this case, due to the "killing of brown people". Below is my response to him (it contains profanity):

There has been something of a movement, if it's even worthy of the term, to e

ncourage shaming or just challenging those who conscientiously abstain or fail to give a political fuck. Whichever.

Again, because it's THAT important. Obama barely won four years, ago. I've been bitching about that for four years. The margin was a FRACTION of that, this time. Hell, Romney may as well be honorary vice-president or something.

War isn't just war. There are degrees. Bad economies are not all equal. People's suffering does matter but, no matter how trite it may sound, bad is better than worse. We aren't doing anyone anywhere any favors by saying we care so much about their plight that we are not going to use even our limited power to make things better for them and the rest of us.

#yourexcusesucks

Two Evils

Below is my response to a "Don't vote if you don't want to" (my description) blog post at 4thletter.net. Do you agree?

Re: "“Vote for the lesser of two evils!” is a thing I’ve heard over and over this election, but somehow voting for an evil is more acceptable than rejecting evil outright. We don’t have to compromise if we don’t want to."

Choosing neither of the major options or the less popula

r ones means that everyone else chooses FOR you. But you and those you love, hate, and don't even know will live with those consequences.

With that in-mind, everyone has a stake in what everyone else chooses - especially if they choose not to be bothered.

Life is and always will be about trying to combine imperfect options with imperfect information to form a more perfect union.

Opting out of that is like opting out of life or, more specifically, opting out of the pursuit of that more perfect union. That's not laudable, in my opinion.

The 90-day Rules

Single ladies, if you saw my earlier post, you know how I feel about cliches and jingles that pass for relationship advice.  Steve Harvey is an easy example since a friend mentions him regularly but it's not just him. These so-called "rules" about how long to wait before sleeping with a man aren't etched in stone. And they're sure not fool-proof.

Check this: I'm not saying you should get intimate with a guy as soon as you meet him but that 90-day rule is no kind of guarantee that he's not a dog.  If you wait 3 months to get it on with a man, if he really is a dog, he already met women 3 months, ago, that is going to lay down with him every day that you don't.

Trust from experience. WE WILL WAIT YOU OUT.

Don't base your decision to sleep with a man on so some arbitrary time rule.  Base it on his behavior over that period of time, if you want, but not on the time, itself.  That may sound like the same thing but feel me on this...

I see ladies, regularly ignoring all the tell-tale signs that a man is not AT ALL interested in their welfare* but they swear by whatever Harveyism gives them the green light to take him home.

I learned, long ago, to do my best (that's all any of us can do) to pay attention to the things that women tell me about themselves - explicitly or otherwise.  It saves a lot of time and trouble. The same is true of men.  We tell you the truths about ourselves in our words OR in our actions (or both).

It's up to you to listen.

* - (like only calling you when the sun sets and his nature rises, running from danger before YOU do, or nodding through your stories of what's happening in your life, without truly listening or giving a damn) 

Priorities

KeKe Palmer Tweeted about the wrongness of hazing and apparently a bunch of FAMU supporters got offended and started acting out. Here's the "no replies" link to her tweets, if you want to see for yourself. Click "All" if you want to see the replies, but that seems to limit how far back you can go: https://twitter.com/KekePalmer It's a damned shame if someone complaining about hazing results in her getting blasted by people more concerned with a school's rep than an ignorant, dangerous, life-threatening practice. Kinda like when students from a certain school were more concerned with their sports team than all the children who were sexually assaulted. Priorities, people.

The Right Way to Say It

The Trayvon situation is a terrible tragedy but I am loving the nonviolent ways that people are expressing their discontent. It doesn't distract from the crime, the loss, or the injustice. It honors the emotional weight of the situation without sacrificing the moral high ground.

Edited for Content

Rant follows:

I remember a couple of years, ago, I was on a site I frequented and I mentioned the iPad. The dude running the site had to make a comment about how I *had* to mention the iPad - as if the statement I made was an excuse to bring up the device. I don't need excuses. I do my technological dance-of-joy with NO SHAME.

You know what, no one says these things when someone mentions their car, their computer, their house, their husband, their wife, or their lavish vacation. Well, I'm sure someone does, but the point is that most of those things have just become a part of our every day lives, just like smartphones and big, flatscreen televisions have become so common.

It's not (always) about bragging when someone mentions something they have - just because someone else doesn't have it. These are the people, the places, the events, and the things that make up the totality of our lives so no one should feel bad about mentioning their management position simply because there are those who wish they had them. It's when that's all you know how to talk about, when you value nothing but displaying your accomplishments or your things, hoping to make someone else feel inadequate.

Your success does not equal my failure and vice-versa.
So, yeah, I'll mention my girlfriend, because she's a part of my life. I'll mention my job because it's a part of my life, and I've had times IN that life when I had NO job, so I value the good AND the bad. I'll also mention the new and interesting technology that fascinates and inspires and empowers me. Because that's a part of my life, too.

Feel free to do the same and I'll do my best not to make comments that, years later, make you feel a twinge whenever you mention your successful relationship, career, home purchase, or iPad, as if you're doing a bad thing and should somehow filter that experience out of your conversation.

Would You Like Bottled Water, Instead?

I know it's a difficult concept, but I'll be glad when restaurant/fast food staff realize that the time to tell me you're out of something is BEFORE you charge me for it! )(*^$#!@#$

Once, again, it's the customer service, not the unhealthy menu, that keeps me out of places like McDonald's.

Field of View

If you've never done it before, wherever you are, stop and focus on one area without moving your head or your eyes around. You'll soon become acutely aware of every swaying blade of grass, every crawling ant,.. every movement, every change, in your field of view. I think the same is true of friends and family and anyone or anything close to us.

Everything normal about these people and relationships slips out of focus and every... single... flaw... in our friends and family members sticks out like a sore thumb, no matter how small or insignificant. This is natural, but it is also something to be cautious of.

Let's not take the best of these familiar people and places for granted so much that all we can see is the worst in them.

Damn, Dan.

I'm too tired for a fully coherent post, but here's what I've got:

According to Kelson's SpeedForce.org post,

[...]they’ve decided to go back to “the original game plan” and focus on a single Flash book starring Barry Allen.

Wally West’s backup stories, by Geoff Johns & Scott Kolins? “On hold.” [Edit: This may be the result of DC restructuring the second features.]

The Kid Flash book by Sterling Gates? “On hold.”

He goes on to say, “Your Flash fix will be Barry Allen, pure and simple, for 2010.”

Kelson's unhappy about this and so are a number of other Flash fans - including me. DC has been fumbling the ball for a long time, now, when it comes to The Flash. They didn't know what to do with the character(s) or the concept.

Wally was the Flash.
Wally had kids and mysteriously disappeared.
Bart's age was accelerated, AGAIN, and he became the Flash.
The Speed Force was supposedly gone.
Bart was killed by his 12th or 13th issue.
Wally returned as the Flash, complete with super-powered, not-so-well-received kids in-tow.
Barry mysteriously (and poorly) was resurrected.
Barry was purported to be THE Flash - having created the Speed Force, despite the fact that Jay Allen held the mantle before him.*
We were told that Barry would have his own series with back-up stories about Wally.
We were told that Bart would have his own Kid Flash series.
We were told that Wally would have no back-up stories in Barry's series.
We were told that Bart would not have his own Kid Flash series.

That's off the top of my head. And it's a mess.**

I admired DC's attempts to reinvigorate their struggling franchises and characters. I even admired their willingness to try again when they failed (see Wonder Woman, the Flash, and maybe others).

But they've screwed up to often and they keep claiming that it was all just a part of the plan. I think that's crap and that conclusion is one of the reasons that I'm less and less interested in comics, these days.

There are non-superhero comics that I dig, but mostly I like the bright colors, fantastic powers, and tall tales. For ME, this is comics.

But these comics aren't for me, anymore.

Honestly, that's fine. And there are many good reasons why many of today's comics (and not just DC's) are not for me. I'm ok with them passing me by, but I'm not ok with being jerked around or, nerdy as this sounds, with the characters being jerked around.

My approach has been to step further and further back from the newer comics, focusing, instead, on the eras that were more to my liking. It's kinda unfortunate, though - especially when DC screws up enough to finally kill most of the remaining enthusiasm of fans like Kelson Vibber.

If you don't know why that's a shame, Google that name and consider that impact over a decade or more.

I'll understand whatever decision Kelson makes, but it's too bad that DC (or Dan Didio) caused it to come to this.

Many of Wally's fans done hate Barry. We just don't want to Barry's ascendancy to come at the expense of Wally and Bart's face-time.






* - although that almost jibes with the retcon that Jay's a metahuman.
** - both, DC's decisions AND my brain, right now.

Gays & the Military... Again

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=103784642&ft=1&f=1003

"Talk of the Nation, May 4, 2009 · Retired Adm. Jerome Johnson and three other retired officers, all founding members of the Flag and General Officers for the Military, recently wrote an op-ed. Their piece, about the military's "don't ask, don't tell" policy, appeared in the Washington Post.

President Obama has pledged to repeal Section 654 of U.S. Code title 10. Johnson believes doing so would do "grave harm" to the U.S.'s all-volunteer force."

I've gotta tell ya, that admiral pissed me off. The host tried to offer a bit of balance by, both, treating the admiral and his point of view with respect and by attempting to tactfully call his guest on the glaring holes in his reasoning. Admiral Johnson wasn't having it, though. Like a politician, he stuck to his talking points, no matter how hollow they rang in-comparison to the callers' and the host's counterpoints.

The admiral's point was that having gays in the military compromised readiness and recruitment efforts. Ultimately though, he couldn't be bothered to substantively respond to the callers' who said that their days in the military, even in combat situations, were free of any concern about whether they or their fellow soldiers were gay.

Admiral Johnson said that the American military's traditional mindset isn't ready for gays and that forcing the issue is counterproductive. The host asked how this situation differs from a time when the American military didn't want to integrate Black soldiers. All the general could say, in-response, was that the military did a great job of integrating Blacks into the military. He never said why it would not be worthwhile, in the long-term, to do the same with gays.

C'mon, man. It's 2009. It's past time that we addressed and resolved these artificial and arbitrary social constructs.

You can listen to the segment, for yourself, on this page: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=103784642&ft=1&f=1003

Too Black or too bad?

"D.L. Hughley Breaks the News" and David Alan Greer's "Chocolate News" have apparently been cancelled.  Apparently, some wonder if it has to do with them both being Black shows.

Personally, I don't think their shows were too Black for tv.  Based on what I saw, they were too bad for tv.

By the way, that ain't the jiiiiive version of "bad."  It's the literal one.

Flat jokes.  Poor transitions.  Brute-force approach to comedy.  Shallow consideration of the issues.

Of course, that's what I got from watching very little of their shows, but it was enough for me to form my opinion*.  Conan O'Brien was very unpolished in his earliest hosting days, but I found his approach more palatable.  I think that was largely because of his humility and humor.

I don't know if Conan did stand-up, first (I doubt it) but I'd expect Hughley's and Greer's collective decades in front of audiences to count for a heck of a lot more than I saw on the screen.

* - and I fully admit that's all it is - an opinion.

Customer Cheated. Media Blames Customer.

MSNBC link: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29498350/from/ET/

"Woman has 911 meltdown over Nuggets"

The caption would have us believe that a woman walked into a restaurant, found out they were out of nuggets, and called 911 to complain.

What actually seems to have happened is that the woman was charged for something the restaurant (yes, a McDonald's) didn't have, but then they refused to refund her money.  When they insisted on giving her food she didn't want, INSTEAD of the money they shouldn't have taken from her in the first place, she called the police.

Sure, she called 9-1-1 instead of the non-emergency number, but I doubt most folks have memorized* the number to the local sheriff.  She probably felt that she was the victim of something akin to theft by conversion so she called the authorities.

Sounds pretty reasonable to me.  But you wouldn't know that by the media captions.

I guess I'll at least give this one credit for (apparently) getting the content right.  Too often, even the article is just as misleading as the headline.

* - or put it in their phones

It Has Begun

Barack Obama won the Presidency of the United States of America.

And Florida went Blue*.

I couldn't be happier. Actually, I could. I should have been elated, last night, instead of just happy. I would have been, too, except that I too busy not being heartbroken and depressed. I guess that was my version of exultation because if John McCain had won, I'd have been a blubbering mess.

And then there was the concern that, on one side or the other, unhappy people would do unhappy things to other people. So far, I've seen none of that here... but I worried and wondered, for a while.

I wasn't going to stay up late to see the final result because (and here's another reason for my limited emotional response) we've already seen the networks call one opponent, then reverse it. I wasn't interested in riding that rollercoaster, again.

Anyway, my girlfriend was watching which effectively meant that I was watching. Besides, I was still amped-up from spending most of the day volunteering for the Tallahassee branch of the campaign that erased Senator Obama but gave birth to President-Elect Barack Obama. More on that another time.

When we got the "projected" results, I was still reserved. And it didn't help that CNN apparently kept "projected" up much, much too long. I talked to my grandmother, who voted for the first time that *I've* ever heard of. I talked to my mom, who told me how much it meant for her to risk her life to go to school amidst race riots but grow up to see a Black man gain the keys to the White House. I also talked to my father, who yelled at me and called me someone else's name. But it was meant in love.

I know. I know. Trust me.

Eventually, we took a chance, grabbed the camcorder, and hit the road to see how Tallahassee was reacting to the news.

Dead silence.

Apparently, though, this was just because so many were at the election party. So we headed over there, recorded some speech material, observed the celebration, shed some tears (well, she did anyway), and interviewed some folks to find out how they were feeling and what this moment meant to them.

One thing is represents, to me, is a chance to vote FOR, not just AGAINST someone. As I said... a year and a half, ago... I would be PROUD to have Barack Obama be the President of these United States of America.

It feels like the world started over. Continuity rebooted. We got a green mushroom, an extra life.

Now, let's see how we use it.

It has begun.






* - And Tallahassee did its part.

Where Credit's Due

I may not have voted for him, but I respect Florida's Republican governor, Charlie Crist. Today, he gave me another reason to do so.

http://www.flgov.com/release/10320

He extended the early voting hours in our state to give every registered voter a greater chance to find the time and make a way cast a ballot in this election. That could work out in Republicans' favor* ... but it might not.

I think he did it because it was the right thing to do, not because he was so desperate to increase his own or his party's power that he'd compromise his values and our rights in a hot minute.

Everyone can't say that. Not truthfully, anyway.

So here's to a lil credit where credit's due. *raises glass of Kool-Aid to Governor Crist*

Early Voting

I'm pleased to say that I voted in the Presidential election, yesterday.

And I wasn't alone.

If it took about a half hour for me to vote, on a weekday afternoon, during the early voting period, I'd hate to imagine what the lines will be like in a couple of weeks.

At least they didn't (seem to) try any funny stuff. All I can do now is cross my fingers and hope that my vote counts, in the end.*



EDIT: Oh yeah. And I'm embarrassed to say that there was a marriage issue on the ballot. Florida doesn't give a damn about gays, unfortunately. "We" would rather see an orphaned child raised by the system than by one or two loving parents who happen to be gay. But that wasn't enough, I guess. Now they want to make sure those two parents can't marry each other, either.

That saddens me.

Well, the homophobes may win this one, but not with my help.



* nevermind the Electoral College

Finishing First

I'm sure many of you have heard men saying things like "Nice guys finish last." I've heard plenty of women disagree, but I've seen just as many dissing some guy who politely approaches then in favor of the guy who doesn't hold the door for her. Sometimes it seems like there's nothing sexier than a door in the face.

When I was in Houston, I remember chatting with an out-of-town young lady over the phone for several weeks until she happened to be visiting some local relatives. She suggested we meet so one evening, I made my way to her family's home and knocked on the door.

I was greet warmly enough, but it was pretty awkward, walking into a strange environment where the only person you knew... you didn't know all that well. Anyway, while I waited on her to be ready, her very large family's behavior wavered between welcoming and alienating. My friend wasn't that much better, but I tried to take it all in-stride. After all, I was kinda nervous, even though we were just a couple of people .

When we finally left. From the front door to the door of my truck, my buddy's behavior didn't get much better. In fact, it got downright rude. I wish I could remember specific things she said, but I remember having second-thoughts about continuing with the evening.

As I opened the passenger door to let her in, she said something else that kinda pissed me off. I decided to take a completely different path than I normally would. Instead of telling her about herself and cutting the evening short, I told her about herself and then slammed the passenger door before she could get in.

I figured, if she got pissed, she could go back in the house and I could leave. Otherwise, she'd know how I felt, I'd have gotten it off of my chest, and I'd have a potentially interesting evening ahead of me.

What she did was buck her eyes and stand there with her mouth open. I told her, if she wanted to get in, she could open her own door. And that she'd better be quick before I hit the gas.

She actually smiled and then got in.

The rest of the evening was more of the same. Every time I had a smart-ass response to something she said or did, I said it. Usually, she reacted like it was outrageous, but she'd always act like it turned her on or something. Weird stuff. It was an interesting experiment.

We stopped by my place and she ended up more or less throwing herself at me, that evening, after having behaved much more civilly than she did before I flipped the script on her, earlier.

That outcome spoke volumes, to me. What do you think (those of you who're still around).?

Too Comfortable

WEST3MAN: I got caught in the rain, today,
WEST3MAN: while biking to the comic shop.
WEST3MAN: I went to a nearby bar to use their restroom's paper towels, to dry off.
WEST3MAN: A guy was already using the dispenser, so I stood behind him and waited.
WEST3MAN: I noticed the back of his black t-shirt
WEST3MAN: had a Confederate flag with "SS" in that special font
WEST3MAN: printed across it.
WEST3MAN: the shirt said something like, "the few and the proud."
WEST3MAN: Just one of those wake-up moments, for me.
WEST3MAN: "Don't get TOO comfortable."

The Piss Scam

Our recent trip to Orlando was a last-minute decision. Money's tight.

So, when we were considering lodging, we were lookin' at the low end of the spectrum. I figured, if, upon inspection, they turned out to be "roach motels," we could just move on to the next place.

While checking out the first place on the list, in Kissimmee, Florida - just outside of Orlando's city limits - what started out as a pretty good day took a severe nosedive.

Let's see if I can keep this one short.

I asked the Indian manager(s) for and received a key to check out a room. My girlfriend is the one with the higher standards, so I just sit back and let her decide if the bathroom, for instance, is up to snuff. While waiting, I used the restroom.

Shortly thereafter, one of the managers showed up at the door. I told her the bathtub was dirty, so we weren't impressed. She claimed it wasn't dirt, just their (sad & sorry) attempts at renovation.

While in there, she realized I'd used the restroom (#1, btw) and developed the beginnings of a 'tude. When we said we didn't want the place because of the tub, that attitude blossomed into a full-blown case of "the ass."

She started yelling (yes, yelling), saying that we owe her ten dollars for using the restroom. She claimed this was the law, so I just informed her that this was news to me. She said, "Well, for the future, you will know that is the law."

Fine. As far as I was concerned, she didn't expect and I had no plans to give ten dollars for taking a piss. I hung around just to get her to calm down - just because it was important to me that this woman knew that weren't running a pissing scam.

When we got back to the front desk, her peers joined in, lecturing us at high volume and at great length. I told them that, as a grown man, I don't need to be lectured to and I don't appreciate being yelled at - especially when I'm going well out of my way to respond diplomatically and civilly.

I asked to speak to the manager who was much more calm. She said the other woman wasn't yelling - that that's just how she speaks. I called bullshit on that because the other woman was fairly civil at the door of the hotel room. She got loud when she got pissed.

Anyway, to keep this long story from getting longer, let me just say that I offered to get the room, if only to assure them that this wasn't a pissin' scam.

She refused - at first saying there were no vacancies (a lie for obvious reasons), then saying they just don't want customers who cause trouble (which we apparently had revealed ourselves to be).

Earlier they claimed they'd call the cops on us for refusing to pay the ten bucks. By the time we were getting ready to leave, they were walking by my vehicle, taking down my license number, and saying, "You'll see what happens, now."

So, I kinda felt trapped. I felt like, if this supposed law was real and I left, the cops would be lookin' for piss n run con artist. If I stayed, I was on their property after having had my business refused.

I resolved the matter by calling the cops, myself. They showed up about an hour later, informing us of the following:

1) There's no law that says I owe them $10.
2) There IS a law that states that, once I've given them money, if they decide that they want me to leave, I'm obligated to leave... but they are not obligated to return that money. My only recourse would've been small claims court.
3) And finally, that we, as out-of-towners were unaware that we were in a crime-ridden area of town. The officer advised that we drive several miles away to secure a room.

He advised the manager who was left (the women I'd spoken to had driven away) that I didn't owe them a dime and he wished us a good day.


After all was said and done, we were a bit frazzled by this bit of drama and inconvenience, but I convinced my girlfriend (who'd been very concerned that I might be mistreated by the police) that we'd come out ahead, overall.

1) We learned that we would've been dealing with some pain-in-the-ass proprietors if we'd gotten that room - a fact we could've found out an even harder way. Actually, while waiting on the cops, we heard a guest ask one of the managers for to come up there and turn on her heater. "Low rent."

2) We learned that we were in a bad area of town - a fact that eluded us in the bright light of that fine North Florida day.


3) And finally, we learned a bit about the law, our rights, and the rights of hotels and motels. If we should ever find ourselves in a similar situation, that knowledge would come in very handy.


After that, we drove down the road, checked into a nice lil hotel, then went to my favorite restaurant on the PLANET and had what's probably the best meal we'd ever eaten in life. More on that last part, later.

All-in-all, it was a wonderful day - despite a few dark clouds.

A Looming Heirloom

It's sadly ironic that a person can suffer abuse, recognize that it was a bad thing, then embody the traits of the abuser, and eventually become one. This post is about my cousin.

Apparently, the same thing happens on a smaller scale. I've been absent recently to attend some funerals (yes, "some"). At one of those funerals, a couple of attendees displayed behavior so abhorrent that I'm embarrassed to full detail it, at this time. I mention it, though, because one young attendee's behavior was a direct response to that of an older attendee.

They were young, female cousin and my father.

I imagine she was responding not only to what he did, at that time, but what he's done over the years. The problem, though, was that her response to his behavior was so loudly inappropriate that all eyes were on her and almost no one knew what my father had done.

Despite the fact that she and I aren't close and barely recognize each other, I stepped to her when she was alone (except for her best friend, who'd witnessed the whole thing, anyway). We'd just finished eating, after the funeral, and people were preparing to go their separate ways.

I began, "So, how old are you, now?"

"I'll be 23 in a month or so."

"Ahh. Well, I know it's about 23 years too late for me to be trying to offer up some "cousinly" advice, but I did want to mention something to you. Please don't let the traits you dislike in others upset you so much that you adopt them and become the person you hate so much. I wouldn't want him to have that affect on you."

She responded to this pretty well, at first, but it was clear by her later comments that more than one person had whispered in her ear about the day's events... and she didn't appreciate it.

I'd already apologized to my cousin and several others for my father's behavior (which I'm sure would've pissed him off to NO END if he'd heard me do so), but I still felt the need to tell her, "Now, I'm not saying he was right - by ANY stretch of the imagination. Please know that. It's just something I thought was worth saying. I hope you understand and aren't offended."

She said she wasn't offended by my words, but, she continued, "I don't let ANYbody disrespect me or my grandmother, so if they do I'll get with them, WHEREVER they are!"

I tried to gently express to her how her own behavior, at our grandmother's funeral, six feet from her casket, might be considered disrespectful, but to no apparent avail.

All I can hope is the seeds I (and whomever else spoke with her) planted in her mind and her heart will bear fruit, someday. She's young, so there's still time.

I can't help thinking, though, that twenty years from now, her own children might be apologizing for her the way I've repeatedly had to apologize for my father. I hope not.

I also hope this terrible cycle doesn't get passed down from one generation to the next like some kind of family heirloom.