$#!+ Like That pt. 2

"$#!+ Like That" refers to encounters where other people's mental laziness, low intellect, or maybe willful ignorance makes life more difficult than it needs to be. It's hard to explain, so here's another example - this time from the workplace.

Supervisor: "Okay, everyone, you all owe us $20, which we'll need by the end of the month when the gift is delivered."

Me & co-workers: "How's that?"

Supervisor: "Management ordered Ursula's retirement present. Remember when we had that staff meeting six months, ago, where we talked about the [x,y,z]? At the end of that meeting, someone suggested that we might want to get Ursula a retirement present."

Co-worker: "I think I remember that, but I didn't hear anything else about it. I'd forgotten all about it."

Me: "Same here. No one told us the plan, asked us if we wanted to participate, or showed us the gift."

Supervisor: "Look, West, if you just don't want to contribute to Ursula's retirement, you don't have to."

Me: ". . ."

See, it's shit like that right there that gets on my frickin' NERVES. The point isn't Ursula or her retirement. The point is that we deserve to choose whether we donate, how much we donate, and what we're donating it for. Telling us that we owe, how much we owe, and when we're going to pay is overstepping, to say the least. It's especially inappropriate coming from those in positions of power over us.

Call me crazy but, personally, I like to "help" decide what gift my money's going toward. My expressing this fact does not automatically mean I don't like Ursula or don't want her to have a gift. It means the situation wasn't handled as well as it could've been.

It's not just the fact that this is a management issue (I'd have felt the same if these were friends or family), but one should recognize that having the guts to speak up to one's "superiors" isn't always an easy thing.

The proper way to respond to thoughtful objection or constructive criticism from a friend, family member, or employee is not to assume that the speaker must be a cheapskate.

See, it's shit like that right there that pisses me off.

Health Before Wealth

You can't put a price on peace of-mind (and body). Well, I can't, anyway.

I've been removing unhealthy elements from my life over the past year, in-particular. The latest casualty? My employer.

I may have mentioned that I've been in poor health over the past few months. Much of that was caused by my work environment. Well, after certain i's were dotted and certain t's were crossed, I amputated that oh-so-unhealthy portion of my life... before it could infect the others any further.

Now that it's been a while, I can say with great certainty that my anxiety level is MUCH lower, I've got more patience and energy for other parts of my life, and I don't experience the chest or stomach pain anywhere near as much.

I've lost about 25 pounds, at this point, but I'm trying to turn that into a positive by taking better care of myself. I'm buying healthier food, exercising (building up to more intensive exercise), and working on managing stress effectively and safely. If nothing else, it'll keep me from having to deal with the medical professionals who seem to be infested and infecting others with ineptitude on a level that boggles the mind.

I'm doing what I can to take care of myself - mentally and physically. I hope you love yourself enough to do the same.

Twice By Half

It's been said before within various contexts, but it's never been more apparent in my own life than in recent years: I've got to be twice as good as another associate just to get half the recognition... or none, as the case may be.

Mistakes.
West can't put the wrong font on a page.
Others can produce reports with unbalanced data.

Mind-reading.
West is at-fault if someone asks for A, B, C but really wanted X, Y, Z.
Others who hear West say one thing are free to assume he means something else entirely.*

Memory.
West is a problem because he must be reminded to do things he can't do until others do their part.
Others who fail to do their parts, due to their own faulty memory, are excused because... ummm. Well, just because.

I'm sure a lot of folks just think, "Why don't you quit?!" Well, there are a number of good answers to that question. One is that such inequity is not unique to any given employer or position. I've seen it at various companies, as a "worker bee" and as a manager.

Whenever this comes up, someone usually makes a ton of excuses for the employer. This is probably no exception (assuming anyone comments), but here's a more specific example:

I worked at a place where almost everyone had a pager so they could be contacted at any part of the facility. Not long after I started, I found out that I had a reputation for being unreachable.

Why? Well, it seems that someone messed up and put a pager number next to my name on the directory, but no pager had been issued to me, yet. So people thought I'd been consistently ignoring their pages - but they never said anything about it in-person.

Later, that pager number was eliminated from the directory.

Later still, I'm exiting the manufacturing area when my boss walks by. "There you are. I've been paging you all morning. I didn't think you were in."

"Uhh. J, I don't have a pager."

He looks at me sideways.

"No, really. You said you would, but you never gave me one."

We walk and talk, as I maintain that I've never received a pager from him. We stand by his cubicle for a while, then he seems to have an epiphany and tells me to follow him. We walk toward my cubicle as he says, "This is your and my fault."

I couldn't wait to find out how it was my fault.

We reached my "desk," slips his hand under it, and pulls out a black, plastic drawer I never even knew was there. The drawer was underneath the "desk" writing area and recessed so you had to feel for it to pull it out - which meant, of course, that you needed to know it was there in the first place. I didn't.

In that drawer he pulled out... a pager. He'd put it there some time before, but never told me, so it'd still been sitting there.

I got how that was his fault, but I never got how it was mine. Yet and still, my reputation endured... especially when it was discovered that the pager number they put in the directory was the wrong one. It wasn't even assigned to the pager I'd been given.

By the way, the reason I knew I had this reputation was because a Black guy, whom I hardly knew, took me aside one day and told me what people were saying. Apparently, they had a nickname or an in-joke associated with me. He said not to sweat it too much because the same kind of reputation was attached to him when he first arrived (although I didn't ask if he'd received the same kinda "your fault and mine" blame I had) and he eventually shook it.

He just wanted to let me know, (Black) man-to-(Black)man, what was going on behind my back.

Oh yeah, that boss of mine... he held that pager thing against me when evaluation time came around.

There's always a reason why these types of things couldn't POSSIBLY have anything to do with skin color, yet I can't help notice the similarities between those that have experienced this kind of thing... and those that usually haven't.





* - Example: "In the future, we should make sure x is done before y," means "I don't want to do my job."

Work Anxiety

It's amazing how much stress is due to people's work lives. Now, I don't have hard statistics ... or even soft ones, for that matter. All I have are observation and experience.

There's been a lot of stress in my life since 2007 began. I can see that a huge chunk of it is due to my workplace. I've tried adapting to the culture, but it seems that I'll never be able to adapt enough.

Why? Because, as many inconsistencies, inaccuracies, and injustices as I've tried to ignore over the past year or so, there are some that I feel that I have to speak on!

And therein lies the problem.

I've got a co-worker who (correction: former co-worker, now) whose tales are very similar to mine, although neither of us knew it at the time. She's now been fired for "fighting." She says that she let a lot of comments slide, but there were some things that she had to speak on!

And therein lies the pink slip.

I guess this is supposed to scare me. It doesn't, but it makes me anxious as all hell. And, to be really honest, it saddens me that human-beings treat each other so poorly. Relative positions of power go to people's heads and any lowly employee who dares to challenge their ideas must be made an example of.

So, now I am fighting! I'm still fighting for the hundreds of dollars in reimbursement that I expected from the work-related trip I never wanted to take. I've got a meeting with the CFO next week about that one.

While I'm glad that he responded to my request so quickly, the fact is that he's "one of them." No, I don't mean white people - although I think he is. No, I mean that I can't allow myself to hope too hard that he might be a fair-minded individual, as opposed to a group-think participant.

So, as I prepare for a meeting with a half dozen people that "out-rank" me, I find that almost every minute of every day is soaked in anxiety. And, no matter hard I try, I can't seem to dry off.

I actually found myself spontaneously meditating (or something similar), earlier, while trying to release the butterflies in my stomach. The best (productive) approach, though, seems to be finding the flaws in my opponents' arguments - looking at them as weapons and my verbal skills as fighting skills. Knowing that I've got a decent chance against my opponents (even though they're literally paying the judges), helps put my mind and my guts at-ease. Sometimes.

But I'm caught up in a cycle, now. I've complained about the "wrong" stuff, so they're putting pressure and additional work on me to stop me from complaining. Sadly, that just pisses me off and makes me complain more... and the cycle continues.

In a lot of cases, I've found that reason and rationality result in very limited success, since a lot of folks have already made up their minds about an issue before they ever hear the other side. Hopefully, that won't be the case in my upcoming verbal and professional battles, but I'm going to fight them regardless.

I know I could just quit and walk away, but I just can't take seeing or knowing that certain people are catching so much more hell and being held to a higher standard than certain other people.

And therein lies the pink slip. Maybe.

Reimbursement

I've mentioned having traveled to Maryland for work, recently. I didn't want to go but eventually I agreed as I could use the opportunity to find in-network providers along the way. Flying wasn't an option, really, since my allergies cause cold-like symptoms and you do NOT want to get on a plane when you have cold symptoms - even if you're almost over it. Besides that, the hassles of traveling by air in a post-9/11 world are too much to bear under anything but extraordinary circumstances.

Anyway, I agreed to drive to Maryland. Prior to doing so, I read the applicable personnel manual sections, researched the air travel prices, filled out the necessary travel authorization paperwork, including an estimate of the reimbursement amount, and got it signed by two of my "superiors." No one ever sat me down and briefed me on the travel policies and procedures. I did most of these things on my own.

As I've explained, in other posts, I experienced quite a bit of challenge and difficulty during, after, and as a result of this trip. Since I was sick the first week, after returning, I didn't turn in my post-travel reimbursement forms until ten days after leaving Maryland. The mileage was greater than expected, as was the final dollar amount, but I put the real numbers on there and let the chips fall where they may.

I realized the company might decide not to pay over the estimated amount. This would not please me but it was at least anticipated.

What happened instead was that, not only did the company decline to pay the $170 over the initial estimate, they actually want to pay me about $240 less than the estimate. They claim that the estimate doesn't really mean anything. It's only an estimate.

I said that I know what an estimate is. It means the amount may be lower... or it maybe higher. It's strange to me that they would find $170 over to be completely unacceptable yet $240 under is perfectly fine.

All of this after they already got me to go on this trip, of course.

My response has been one of displeasure expressed while maintaining a calm, professional tone, despite the fact that some of them are talking to me like I'm some kind of con artist and they're the powerless and meek.

Please. As far as I'm concerned, if things stand like this, this is an example of the big guy picking on the little guy because he can't hit as hard.


EDIT: For clarity's sake, I thought I'd add the following explanation from the comments section.

"To be clear, it's a matter of receipts, but it's largely a matter of mileage that factored into the initial reimbursement estimate.

The organization has a policy to only pay for traveling fees comparable to the least expensive modes of travel. In other words, if driving X-number of miles at a mileage rate of $0.48 per mile would amount to a $1000 reimbursement for the driver, but taking a flight would cost $600, then the traveler should either drive and expect no more than $600 or s/he should take the $600 flight.

They keep suggesting that I haven't read the relevant sections of the personnel manual, which quotes this policy, but they're mistaken. I got flight quotes and they were comparable to my reimbursement estimate.

The company said they couldn't get any quotes from the past couple of weeks, so I provided them with a fax of one of the estimates that I got. They then decided to get estimates a couple of weeks, into the future. That flight amount (or price average or whatever) was cheaper was about a couple of hundred dollars less than my estimate.

Bottom-line, they're saying a flight would've been cheaper so they're gonna pay me the cost of the flight plus my good and toll (not gas) receipts. EDITED TO ADD: I disagree based on flight quotes from before the trip, not after."

I hope that helps. I'm happy to have folks agree with me, of course, but I wanted to make sure it wasn't because I was unfairly or unclearly reporting the facts.