I Said, "Bust a GUT"

Relationships can be tough.  That's no secret. Personally, I think more people would benefit from the ability and willingness to just talk and reason and discuss their way through and out of a disagreement.

It's a truly underrated tool.

That said, sometimes talking doesn't get you where you want to be or it doesn't do so fast enough.  Those are the times that emotion, history, and shared experiences get us over the hump.

Sex is one very useful tool in that regard, but don't sleep on laughter.

Anyone who has experienced this will testify like Aunt Esther:

Few things will breathe life into a relationship laughter.

Have you ever laughed with your partner until you were in tears or holding your stomach?

Sexual compatibility is awesome, but there's nothing like two lovers climbing into bed, somebody says something silly, and you laugh yourselves to sleep.

Together.

Make Love Not Porn

I just watched a TEDtalk called "Make Love, Not Porn" on NETFLIX. The blurb says, "Cindy Gallop argues that hardcore pornography has distorted the way a generation of young men think about sex." I think she makes interesting and very valid points about the real consequences of a puritanical culture where many parents and schools are afraid to have a real and honest dialogue with their children about sex. Of COURSE that means that PORN becomes the de facto Sex Education in a world where it's so ubiquitous and freely available on the internet.

To counter this, she has created a site called "www.makelovenotporn.com" which is not about *judging* people's sexual habits, she says, but about presenting an alternative viewpoint. She suggests sharing this with anyone and everyone you think would benefit from the information or the dialogue this might inspire.

Gays & the Military... Again

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=103784642&ft=1&f=1003

"Talk of the Nation, May 4, 2009 · Retired Adm. Jerome Johnson and three other retired officers, all founding members of the Flag and General Officers for the Military, recently wrote an op-ed. Their piece, about the military's "don't ask, don't tell" policy, appeared in the Washington Post.

President Obama has pledged to repeal Section 654 of U.S. Code title 10. Johnson believes doing so would do "grave harm" to the U.S.'s all-volunteer force."

I've gotta tell ya, that admiral pissed me off. The host tried to offer a bit of balance by, both, treating the admiral and his point of view with respect and by attempting to tactfully call his guest on the glaring holes in his reasoning. Admiral Johnson wasn't having it, though. Like a politician, he stuck to his talking points, no matter how hollow they rang in-comparison to the callers' and the host's counterpoints.

The admiral's point was that having gays in the military compromised readiness and recruitment efforts. Ultimately though, he couldn't be bothered to substantively respond to the callers' who said that their days in the military, even in combat situations, were free of any concern about whether they or their fellow soldiers were gay.

Admiral Johnson said that the American military's traditional mindset isn't ready for gays and that forcing the issue is counterproductive. The host asked how this situation differs from a time when the American military didn't want to integrate Black soldiers. All the general could say, in-response, was that the military did a great job of integrating Blacks into the military. He never said why it would not be worthwhile, in the long-term, to do the same with gays.

C'mon, man. It's 2009. It's past time that we addressed and resolved these artificial and arbitrary social constructs.

You can listen to the segment, for yourself, on this page: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=103784642&ft=1&f=1003

Finishing First

I'm sure many of you have heard men saying things like "Nice guys finish last." I've heard plenty of women disagree, but I've seen just as many dissing some guy who politely approaches then in favor of the guy who doesn't hold the door for her. Sometimes it seems like there's nothing sexier than a door in the face.

When I was in Houston, I remember chatting with an out-of-town young lady over the phone for several weeks until she happened to be visiting some local relatives. She suggested we meet so one evening, I made my way to her family's home and knocked on the door.

I was greet warmly enough, but it was pretty awkward, walking into a strange environment where the only person you knew... you didn't know all that well. Anyway, while I waited on her to be ready, her very large family's behavior wavered between welcoming and alienating. My friend wasn't that much better, but I tried to take it all in-stride. After all, I was kinda nervous, even though we were just a couple of people .

When we finally left. From the front door to the door of my truck, my buddy's behavior didn't get much better. In fact, it got downright rude. I wish I could remember specific things she said, but I remember having second-thoughts about continuing with the evening.

As I opened the passenger door to let her in, she said something else that kinda pissed me off. I decided to take a completely different path than I normally would. Instead of telling her about herself and cutting the evening short, I told her about herself and then slammed the passenger door before she could get in.

I figured, if she got pissed, she could go back in the house and I could leave. Otherwise, she'd know how I felt, I'd have gotten it off of my chest, and I'd have a potentially interesting evening ahead of me.

What she did was buck her eyes and stand there with her mouth open. I told her, if she wanted to get in, she could open her own door. And that she'd better be quick before I hit the gas.

She actually smiled and then got in.

The rest of the evening was more of the same. Every time I had a smart-ass response to something she said or did, I said it. Usually, she reacted like it was outrageous, but she'd always act like it turned her on or something. Weird stuff. It was an interesting experiment.

We stopped by my place and she ended up more or less throwing herself at me, that evening, after having behaved much more civilly than she did before I flipped the script on her, earlier.

That outcome spoke volumes, to me. What do you think (those of you who're still around).?

Sex Offenders Near You

I'd heard that there was a sex offender database which was accessible to the public. Apparently, sex offenders are supposed to keep their address, e-mail, and instant message information updated. I'm not sure I ever looked that far into it, though.

It seems that neighbors are supposed to be notified whenever a registered sex offender moves into an area. I watched an episode of Law & Order which depicted a moment of neighborhood outrage once they found out an offender was in their midst - one who'd been alone with some of their children from time-to-time.

Anyway, that moment out of a fictional story was enough to motivate me to seek out the offender database. In Florida, you can view results as (virtual) thumbtacks on a map of your area or as a list - kinda like Google Maps. Your state's site may be different.

The maps even have pictures of the offenders, their addresses,... and their offenses.

In my case, it turns out that there are 34 registered sex offenders within a one-mile radius of our home - and we live across the street from a state university.

We, as citizens, can complain all day that sex offenders shouldn't be free to live amongst us and that we should be personally notified when they are, but if the information is available to us in such convenient, detailed formats and we fail to avail ourselves of it...

EDIT: I also looked up my cousin's (and grandmother's) neighborhood to see the concentration of offenders, since she's got a little boy. There were 25 registered offenders within a one-mile radius. I'm going to tell her about it when I can and let her know where she can look these things up for herself.

When I told my mom about these results, she asked about her area. I could only check her zip code in Georgia - not as narrow as I'd hoped, but thirty-one offenders in an entire area code was a little better than the thirty-four or so in a one-mile radius.

Either way, it's information worth knowing, in my opinion.

Inbreeding in the 21st Century!

In November, NPR aired a segment about the a Syrian village whose inhabitants continue their 100-year-old tradition of intermarrying. Their population of 5,000 includes 800 living with extreme birth defects.

You can read and listen to the story here.

I'm all for respecting other people's cultures and traditions, but this story completely blew me away. I've read fiction that depicted modern-day inbreeding, but to be faced with a real-world example was disheartening and infuriating, to be honest.

Near the end of the segment, a resident claims that the many blind, deformed, and pain-ridden residents are that way because that's part of God's plan. He concluded by asking (I'm paraphrasing), "What do you want us to do, stop marrying?"

My response: "YES! Stop $#@%ing your damned sisters, mothers and first cousins! I understand that you're an impoverished people, but are property and business interests worth condemning your offspring to very short, very painful lives?"

I'm still amazed every time I think of this podcast, but at least one among them is "taking the unprecedented step of asking the outside world for help" (a detail I missed the first time, around).

Bad Boys

What is the appeal of the "bad boy?"

They say "Nice guys finish last" and, to a degree, my experience supports this. The guy who holds the door for her gets ignored, even as she walks through the doorway, while the guy who lets the door go, almost hitting her in the face with it, is the one whose baby she has.

Sounds like an exaggeration but I'm guessing many of us HAVE seen the couple where the man's walking ahead, with the mother holding a child in one hand and groceries in the other... and doesn't even bother to hold the door for her.

Oh, you haven't seen that one? I have.

But, with regard to extreme cases or moderate ones, what is the appeal of the "bad boy?"




I don't know if this paradigm exists within the gay community, but fellas, feel free to testify, if you're feelin' it.

Snickers Didn't Satisfy

source: AOL News

"A commercial for Snickers candy bars launched in the Super Bowl broadcast was benched after its maker got complaints that it was homophobic.

The ad showed two auto mechanics accidentally kissing while eating the same candy bar and then ripping out some chest hair to do something "manly." "

Click the AOL link, above, if you'd like to see the commercial for yourself.

I've gotta say that I don't see this commercial as homophobic. If anything, it's a parody of (and, perhaps a statement about) the insecurities of American males - and over-compensation.

There's a big difference, in my opinion, between a commercial, tv show, or film that depicts homophobia and one that endorses it.

"This is FAT?"

Tyra's still bangin'*, at a 161 pounds.
Further proof that you don't need to be a stick figure to have a figure worth stickin'.

Whoops. Did I say that out-loud?
Yes. Yes, I did.

Photo from a recent People Magazine article.



* - from the neck, down, anyway.
Sorry, but she could choose a hairstyle that's more flattering to her cranial endowment.

Condoned Condoms for Convicts

In a November 22nd broadcast of NPR's "News and Notes" program, the question was raised about whether condoms should be distributed within prison populations.

Most of the show's panel of guests/commentators are African-American and the show tends to lean toward stories and issues likely to be of concern or consequence to African-Americans. In this case, there's a disproportionate amount of Black people in American prisons and, I believe, there's a disproportionate amount of Black Americans, in general, who have been infected with HIV/AIDS.

In fact, as I mentioned in a previous post, Washington, DC's "secret" HIV/AIDS crisis, those who are infected with the disease, in prison, (whether through rape, consensual sex, or "sexual bartering,") are too likely to infect their wives and girlfriends, after they get out of jail.

To me, this one is a no-brainer, but some say that passing out condoms in prisons is a bad idea, for a number of reasons.

* Some believe that a given inmate won't use the condoms because that would be an acknowledgment of the fact that he's participating in homosexual activities - about which some may be in denial.
Personally, I think that, if all that **censored**in' and **censored**in' ain't a problem for him, then a rubber isn't likely to be a deal-breaker.

* Some say that passing out condoms is encouragement of "the behavior."
E.R. Shipp, in particular, disappointed me with this bass-ackwards line of thinking. She's a highly intelligent, Pulitzer-Prize (for commentating) winning journalist, but this is about saving lives, not about judging how a man should interact with another man.

* Some claim that the money used to distribute condoms would be better spent on testing and segregating infected members of the prison population.
I wish I could remember the name of the gentleman who offered this well-expressed, but disrespectful and potentially illegal alternative.

It's simple. People are getting infected with a life-threatening/fatal disease in high numbers. Some of this is due to choice and some of it is not.

We know doggone well that people are going to have sex. Whether we agree with their choice to do so or their methods of doing so, we ought to value their lives enough to decrease the risks, as much as we can.

If life's not a good enough reason, then how about money? Consider that it's probably going to cost a heck of a lot more to pay for the medical bills of an HIV/AIDS-positive population than to just distribute some rubbers.

The tests are a good idea, but you can't force people to take them. Civil rights aside, segregation isn't fool-proof, as people already-infected with the virus can be REinfected, with a different strain.

It saddens me when people allow religion, homophobia, or residual ignorance to trump the value and potential of human life.