Thursday, November 22, 2007

You N-Bomber

No grown person owes me anything - including an explanation of his or her behavior.

But if you expect me to respect you on a certain level, a certain amount of transparency would be helpful.

I just left a chatroom where a(n apparently white) guy who's openly and repeatedly dropped n-bombs, continues to have an audience with the other chatters. When I complain about this, no one has any criticism to offer... except about me.

Meanwhile the n-bomber goes on about how he hasn't called anybody a nigger, TONIGHT, as if that makes all the damned difference in the world.

To be honest, I'm definitely typing this while still emotionally charged and I'm not meticulously laying out all of the details of the situation, but I maintain this the above IS a fair representation of the events.

It reminds me of my previous conversations and posts about how it would be strange for me to expect a white friend to cut off a buddy who calls Blacks niggers, but for me to be unwilling to cut off a buddy of mine who's trigger-happy with other epithets, like "fag."

I don't think it's as perfectly black and white as that, but it's close enough for this entry. I don't want to expect a friend of mine to drop a friend of his or hers but whenever I think about being in the presence of such people WHILE the offender is still a part of the group, it feels really, really wrong.

Well, today that scenario went from a hypothetical to a reality. Part of me wonders if I'd feel differently if I'd been called "nigger" more times in my life (to my face, anyway) and had become desensitized to it.

Maybe. But there's another part of me that doesn't give a damn.

Happy Thanksgiving.


Anonymous said...

Hmmmm . . .
where to start -- being one of the people in chat in question and perhaps being one who you may feel criticized you rather than the N-Bomber, I do feel it worth the effort to try to put some stuff down in writing over it all.

Understand that we all pretty much hate the N-Bomber, but we can't get rid of him -- there is no means to keep him out of the chat. We could leave, but privately made rooms would just cost us many of the occasional people who stop buy and wouldn't be aware of the migration. We could ignore him, perhaps we should - but that tends to make him act up more -- so, we abuse him in a manor which doesn't take over the chat. In terms of criticizing you, there I'm a bit uncertain -- I questioned initially the phrasing of something you asked, because the words you used seemed to be specific and atypical of what I would have expected -- why were we still trying? "Trying" just seemed odd - I had no sensation we were Trying anything, other than perhaps to make him leave without a sceen (never works, but a token effort is still worth . . well, trying.) Otherwise, he's a punching bag, we throw abuses at him and see how they bounce off.

Many of the people there weren't the ones around for his bombing attack, so they didn't know why you were upset with him and reacted a bit shocked with how vehemently you were going at him -- but now they are informed, I let them know what he did, alas, other than yet something else to hate and criticize the guy for, nothing else much can change -- unless we are really stupid and there IS something you think we can do?


West said...

There's a lot to address but I'm not up to it all, right now. For now, I'll just say the following to demonstrate how differently I see it.

I don't see how using the chatroom ignore function would make him act up more or how that would even be a problem.

Interaction with him is not limited to verbally abusing him. It often involves regular social interaction.

He still seems to be a buddy. Maybe that's just life, but it makes me uncomfortable, at the moment.

Anonymous said...

two points: When we all ignore him, he starts making other screen names to dogde around the ignores and becomes more hyper-- it's easier to placate him with a minor acknowledgement and then stop responding to him.

When i tell what medication to take for a cold, it's not because he's a buddy and i want him to feel better, it's because i want him to LEAVE to go to the drug store. Perhaps it IS too much of a dance and maybe it does leave us apt to forget how he gets, how he really is -- but everyone seems to be finding whatever technique works to minimize him -- he wants to be called an idiot, he wants people to leave over things he says -- but if you treat him like a child with a "oh, that's nice" - there is little wind left in his sails (tho' of course, he can always get restless and try another tact, or target) -- again, it would be BEST if we could get rid of him without abandoning the room, but right now, I don't know how t'do that.

That said, i can appreciate you not being comforatable with the sitation, but do miss you around the room.

B. Good said...

The situation you described would leave me bothered, and I'd certainly have to excuse myself from it and those involved (either directly or indirectly). How long I'd have to stay away is indeterminable.