Monday, December 11, 2006

What Women Want

Near the end of the Female Instigators Pt. 2 post, I said the following:
Something I've considered blogging about, in the future, is just how often men are asked or forced to swallow our pride - and how even the enlightened among us don't REALLY want a man to be THAT "mature."
I really believe that.

Let's get specific though. I like to think that, if most folks were asked what behavior separates the men from the boys, many respondents would list say, "Boys are ruled by their pride while real men avoid physical confrontations whenever possible."

That makes a lot of sense. Heck, I feel the same way.

But here's the thing: Not only are a lot of men very pride-driven, a lot of women wouldn't have it any other way.
So, let's say that our hypothetical couple, Martin and Gina, were in a restaurant, sitting at the bar, when another guy, Jerome, steps to Gina. Martin misses this, at first, but picks up on the exchange right after Gina turns Jerome down. Jerome responds to Gina's rejection of him by calling her a "bitch," then walking away.
Now, what should a "mature" man do, in Martin's situation?

The enlightened among us would probably say that since Jerome has walked away, the moment has passed and Martin shouldn't approach him. Even if they thought that Martin should say something to Jerome, they'd surely say that things shouldn't get physical.

Gina would probably be upset with Martin if he DID get into a fight with Jerome, but would she like it if he just walked away and did NOTHING? I doubt it. I mean, on some level, she'd probably be relieved, but I think there's a good chance that she'd look down on Martin for not "defending" her.

Of course, if he'd chosen to have words with Jerome, I think Gina would've been concerned that things might escalate, leading to a fight. In fact, I'd say that's why a lot of times, ladies stop their men from approaching the offending man. They genuinely don't want him to get hurt.

So, what was Martin supposed to do?

I think it's a no-win situation for a man in this situation because I think most women are enlightened enough to want a man that doesn't pick fights (as some might see this), but traditional enough to want that man to WANT TO kick some ass in her honor.

So, what are a man's options...?
* If he fights and wins,... he'll be seen as a violent man who embarrassed her, ruining a great evening.

* If he fights and loses,... he'll be considered weak - not to mention having embarrassed her and having ruined a great evening.

* If he walks away,... he'll be seen as "mature," but not very manly, at all. After all, he didn't even care enough about her to defend her honor.
On some level, I think Gina would hold this against him.

They may stay together, but I still think part of Gina would long for a roughneck - maybe like the guy who disrespected her - that she'd have to hold back from the fight.

I'm not saying all women are that way, but I truly believe that a lot of them are - even many who would claim otherwise.

What do you think? What DO women want?

Other examples include the situation I shared, before: a young woman hits me, but I don't hit her back. I think that, in many eyes, including those that may pat me on the back, that makes me 51% bitch.

For what it's worth, I think all of us are similarly torn, with regard to all sorts of situations and scenarios. This was just the situation I wanted to focus on, in this post.


YouToldHarpoTaBeatMe said...

There was a time that I would've expected a man to fight for my honor, but in this day and age, I'd rather he not. I'd rather he tactfully slice bruh man's throat with his words... at least, that way, the aggressor wouldn't realize he got dissed until he was pulling up to his Momma's house.

I'on know 'bout all the ruffneck stuff. As Steve Harvey puts it...."Ruffneck tonight? Restraining order tomorrow morning". Gimme a geek anyday. LoL

Shai said...

I partially agree with youtoldharpotobeatme. LOL. Unless my life was at stake, I would want him to be tactful. My man could wind up going to jail for beating a fool's azz.

I have never dated ruffnecks. I have dated men who can fight if need be but not ruffneck. I like gentlemen. But then again I am rare cause in high school while my friend liked the thughs I liked the somewhat geeky guys.