Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Code-breaking

There are plenty of people who believe that men and women speak different languages, more or less. To a large extent, I think that's true. I also think there are plenty of exceptions to that "rule." In the end, though, there are some very real implications to these different ways of communicating - regardless of which gender we associate them with.

There are a lot of women, in my opinion, who say one thing when they mean another. Not only do they do this, but they know they do this. They deliberately say something other than what they mean and then expect others to effectively and efficiently decipher that code to figure out what the real deal is. That can be cool, sometimes, but mostly it's a big goddamned wasted of time.

Now, communication is a tool, not unlike a weapon, at times. In this case, that weapon might be a sword. What do we know about swords, boys and girls?

"Theeeey're double-EDGED!"

That's RIGHT.

Now, THIS double-edged sword results in, not only men trying to figure out what women really mean, but in women trying to figure out what men really mean when they say something.

"If *I* mean X, when I say Y, then HE must mean A when he says B."

That's fine, if that's how he speaks. *I* wouldn't want to have to deal with his ass too often, but such is life.

So, a man who says exactly what he means is going to have his words dissected all up to be damned, to the point where the original meaning may be lost forever. That's mighty unfortunate and is one of the reasons the same ugly issues keep popping up all over from time to time.


Now, *I* happen to BE one of those people who breaks down someone's words to what they really mean. Does that mean I'm one of those code-breakin' sum-guns? Enh.

History tells me most people will (and probably were) thinking the answer is "Yes, dammit!" So, let me break down the difference between what I do and what too many other people (some men, even) do.


WHAT I DO-

person: "I'm not saying you expect everybody to agree with you. I'm saying that everybody doesn't see things the way you do."

me: "If you're telling me this, you must think I don't know this. Clearly, you think I'm walking around thinking everybody will or ought to agree with everything I say."

In my opinion, that's an example of logic in action.
__________________________

WHAT THEY DO-

some woman: "Does this dress make me look fatter?"

her man: "No."

some woman: "So you think I looked FAT before?!"

her man: "*sigh*"
__________________________


Does any of this mean that any time a man is speaking to a woman, he should expect code and that any time a woman is speaking to a man, she should expect him to be precise and exact about what he means? Not necessarily. It all comes down to the individual. I recognize this. I'm just trying illustrate something that occurs between many different people on a regular basis and to show that it's really not necessary.

What's the value of this? Well, it might help to figure out which one of the above "characters" is most like you and consider what you might like to do about that.

If the answer is "nothing," cool. All I can do is hold the mirror up.

2 comments:

Son of Blog-El said...

I call the woman on her bullshit whenever that kind of thing goes down. After initial drama I get an apology. Its like anything else, if you put up with crap, then crap is what you will recieve.

West said...

True enough.