Being Me

Have you ever been in a position where you were doing your best to... not be you?

I've mentioned that I just returned to university, this Fall. Considering that I'm 1) older and probably rustier than most students, 2) likely to openly object to insult and incorrect information from the instructor, and 3) sickly and "grown" enough to probably need more excused absences and exceptions, I thought it best to keep a low-profile.

Personally, I believe that the classroom is no place to hide one's ignorance - strange though that may sound. If a student doesn't understand something or mistakenly believes that s/he has the correct answer, that student should feel encouraged to express him- or herself. I'm so rusty on the prerequisites, though, that I feel my rustiness may be a bit too conspicuous for public consumption.

So, I tried to keep my mouth shut.

I've been in too many situations where instructors come to class 15-20 minutes late, then expect the entire class to stay 15-20 minutes after class to make up for lost time... and I was the only one to openly object. I've been in classes where instructors assume that any objection from a student must, by definition, equate to bullshit. On one level, I can't blame'em, but really, we should judge an idea or an objection on its own merits, not the age or position of its originator. Still, speaking up too loudly or too often could leave a bad taste in the instructors' (or the students') mouths.

So, I tried to keep my mouth shut.

Finally, I've got enough chronic illnesses and outside responsibilities that rubbing instructors and administrators the wrong way is likely to result in most cost than profit. I anticipate needing more legitimate excused absences than the average student, so I need to remember that old saying about shitting where you eat.

So, I tried to keep my mouth shut.

Between all of that and my accumulated life experiences, I really and truly tried not to say anything when my instructors would clearly imply that we're a class of liars and bullshit artists. I really tried not to speak up when I kept hearing how "easy" this or that is... from someone with multiple advanced degrees and more professional experience than we have life experience.
But recently...

I just couldn't keep my mouth shut.

I'd just about bitten my tongue bloody by the time a certain instructor mentioned the fact that someone in the class (me, although he didn't point me out or name me) had e-mailed him, saying that the university computers were malfunctioning, making it difficult-to-impossible to complete the upcoming assignment. This instructor went on about how I (the anonymous student) could've Googled the program or we could've gotten a copy from him or not waited until the last minute.

Like I said, he never called me out, but I couldn't take anymore, so I called myself out. Instead of sitting there, quietly, like on so many other days, this time I objected to his objectionable points.

"I did NOT lie about the computers malfunctioning; in fact, I provided the names and numbers of university employees who could confirm this fact."

"I DID Google the program, but the search results lacked all the necessary parts to form a complete, working program."

"You had copies in your office? I didn't know that. Did you mention that in class? No? Okay."

It was a little uncomfortable for a while, but I eventually shut up and let it lie until the end of class. I continued to participate in class discussions/activities and waited until I had a private audience with him.

We went back and forth, in his office, for a while, and he pointed out some very valid reasons why he might doubt the word of some students, including me. In the end, though, either the strength of my points, the sincerity in my voice, or the soft spot in his heart, he agreed to allow me a little more time to complete the assignment.

This isn't some monstrous instructor I'm talking about here. He's just an intelligent, flawed, sometimes reasonable, sometimes less-reasonable human-being trying to really discern shit from shinola.

So far, I'm not sure which he thinks I am, but I'm quite pleased that "being me" didn't hurt me in the short-term and that I'll have more opportunities to prove to him and to myself that I'm capable of not just passing this course, but mastering the concepts and applications it encompasses.

I guess we'll see.

First Class

♪ It's been a long time. (long time) I shouldn't have left you (left you) without a dope beat to step to. ♪


This picture, in part, accounts for my recent absence. It's a shot of my first day back in school.

Between job-searching and school-related activities, I've had something of a full plate. Plus, there have been some bumps along the road that eroded my blogging-motivaton. Of course, I could've just posted about these things, but sometimes a person (even me) doesn't want to release a flurry of negativity.

I may still do so, but I wasn't up to it before. Hopefully, some of it will be worth reading - or at least sprinkled between more interesting material.

I hope to see you then.

Many thanks to those who expressed their concern for me. I really do appreciate it.

Hypothetical School Daze

Liz's recent post about a video contrasting the "inner-city & suburban" schools was eye-opening.

It reminds me of one of the things that scares me about the idea of having children: the public school system.

I catch enough hell trying to fight for my own rights and those of my grown-ass family members. Doing the same thing within a rigid, long-standing, biased school system sounds like a helluva battle - with the highest of stakes.

I don't want my (future) kids to suffer through lower educational standards, substandard facilities, and unsafe environments, but I also don't want them to have to suffer the embarrassment of having a parent who's always, always, always fighting about this or complaining about that.

It's not that the kids aren't worth the fight. It's the fact that it may be a fight that won't be won, but my kids could still end up in the crossfire.

All that said, I probably will have kids and no matter what school they go to, I'll probably be kickin' figurative administrative ass left and right. But it's a scary prospect, nonetheless.

I guess that's why they call it race, because it's precisely what determines how far behind the starting line we'll be.

♪ Read a $#^$ ^%*%^in' Book! ♪

This hilarious bit o' BET animation slipped past me, somehow. Luckily, the kind folks at 4thletter hooked us up.

Lemme know what you think.

(Not safe for work unless you have headphones and an obscured monitor screen.)*

* - There's no nudity, but there is profanity and a couple of mildly out-there scenes.

Depriving Ourselves of Happiness

My absolute-favorite class that I ever took in college was Psychology of Women. Although this was in an HBCU, the class was taught by, Dr. Hall, a white, middle-aged, dashiki-wearing, martial arts-instructing, woman who'd been to and knew more about Africa than all of us (in the class) put together.

Scenario #1
Pat: I'm kinda bummed that no one from dance class wished me a happy birthday, a couple of weeks, ago.
Chris: Yeah. That's not a good feeling. Are you sure they knew it was your birthday?
Pat: They should've known from last year.
Chris: So, you didn't mention it a couple of weeks or days before-hand?
Pat: Nope.

At first glance, Dr. Hall made us reconsider the things we thought we already knew ourselves and the world in which we live. When she spoke, she took that to the next level by asking us questions we'd never considered, telling about topics we'd never heard of (like FGM), and giving us the opportunity to reconsider things we've taken for granted, about our daily lives.

Scenario #2
Jamie: Why didn't you go to the New Year's Eve party?
Terry: I wanted to go with you, but you never asked me about it.
Jamie: I didn't know. Why didn't you bring it up - or ask me out?
Terry: I was waiting on you to make the first move. I'm still waiting.
Jamie: Oh. If I'd known, we could've gone out some time. I'm in a relationship, now, though.

Throughout this post are examples of one of the biggest lessons I learned from Dr. Hall: we often actively, deprive ourselves of happiness for the silliest of reasons.

Scenario #3
Bailey: I can't believe you didn't get me anything for Valentine's Day.
Dale: You said Valentine's Day was a silly holiday.
Bailey: Yeah, but I thought you'd get me something, anyway.

It'd be great of people remembered Pat's birthday without having to be reminded days or weeks, in-advance, but that doesn't always happen. With that in-mind, why shouldn't Pat give them a heads-up? Stubbornly choosing not to do so because of an often-unrealized ideal only hurts one person, in the long-run.

Terry and Jamie liked each other, but Terry's silence resulted in the one thing worse than love lost... and that's the love that never came to be. What's wrong with simply saying, "I like you," to that special person? Is it better to watch someone else end up with him or her, instead?

Bailey and Dale are already in a relationship, but it suffers unnecessarily when Bailey's words and expectations don't match.



Often, our pride, silence, social roles, and mixed signals often lead to poor communication and, ultimately, they lead to us not getting what we say we want the most. Maybe it's time to switch tactics.

I'll always be grateful to Dr. Hall for showing and teaching me that there are enough barriers to our professional, romantic, social, and familial happiness without us making it harder for ourselves.

Graphic Novels as Reading Tools

A lot of adults try to encourage their young people (children, nieces, students) to read recreationally, but meet with little success. Graphic novels, comic books, etc. are often a great way to get young folks excited about reading on their own since they're naturally attracted to the imagery. To fully understand the story, though, they need to read the dialogue and captions.

They say knowledge is power and a lot of knowledge is buried in printed text. Becoming comfortable with and more adept at reading, practice helps. A strong working vocabulary is invaluable, as well.

There are graphic novels and comic books available for all reading levels (and levels of maturity) from very young children to grown-ups like you and me. I've been reading them most of my life and there's no doubt that they familiarized me with words I might not have encountered, otherwise.

Of course, the price of comic books and graphic novels have increased over the years, just like most things. However, your local library may be a great resource for free material.

Manga is very popular with this generation, so that may be a good place to start. The picture, below, shows a good chunk of the graphic novels available at one of the libraries where I live. The manga selection is huge.



We all know how important literacy is, but not everyone is aware of the FREE availability of graphic novels and comic book material (often in hardcovers and trade paperbacks) at their local libraries. I thought it might be worthwhile to devote a post to the subject.

Teaching Respect

On a December 8th episode of NPR's "News and Notes" program discussed so-called "Respect laws" that require "students to address teachers as 'ma'am' or 'sir.'"

Apparently, these laws are in response to the disrespectful manner in which so many young people address their elders, these days. In the case of teachers, some of these youths may be less-inclined to show the proper respect because, after all, "You ain't my Mama!"

To be fair, there are a number of very respectful, very courteous young people in this country. Unfortunately, it only takes a few bad apples to spoil the whole bunch. In this case, I'd say we're well past "a few."

In the broadcast, the commentators mentioned the fact that, as children, they weren't allowed to address their elders by their first names. Doing so had memorably unfavorable consequences.

The same was true of me. In fact, I still call many of my mother's friends "Miss" this or that.

I'm sure there's a cultural element, as well, though. After all, I don't know of too many Black families where the children can curse at their parents or call them and their friends by their first names. I can't say the same of our White friends and associates.

I don't know if this law is overkill, but I think it's well past time that we backed our education professionals up so they can effectively perform one of the most challenging jobs I can think of.

We need to work harder at teaching respect to our students so they'll work harder at respecting their teachers... and themselves.

What do you think?