Depriving Ourselves of Happiness

My absolute-favorite class that I ever took in college was Psychology of Women. Although this was in an HBCU, the class was taught by, Dr. Hall, a white, middle-aged, dashiki-wearing, martial arts-instructing, woman who'd been to and knew more about Africa than all of us (in the class) put together.

Scenario #1
Pat: I'm kinda bummed that no one from dance class wished me a happy birthday, a couple of weeks, ago.
Chris: Yeah. That's not a good feeling. Are you sure they knew it was your birthday?
Pat: They should've known from last year.
Chris: So, you didn't mention it a couple of weeks or days before-hand?
Pat: Nope.

At first glance, Dr. Hall made us reconsider the things we thought we already knew ourselves and the world in which we live. When she spoke, she took that to the next level by asking us questions we'd never considered, telling about topics we'd never heard of (like FGM), and giving us the opportunity to reconsider things we've taken for granted, about our daily lives.

Scenario #2
Jamie: Why didn't you go to the New Year's Eve party?
Terry: I wanted to go with you, but you never asked me about it.
Jamie: I didn't know. Why didn't you bring it up - or ask me out?
Terry: I was waiting on you to make the first move. I'm still waiting.
Jamie: Oh. If I'd known, we could've gone out some time. I'm in a relationship, now, though.

Throughout this post are examples of one of the biggest lessons I learned from Dr. Hall: we often actively, deprive ourselves of happiness for the silliest of reasons.

Scenario #3
Bailey: I can't believe you didn't get me anything for Valentine's Day.
Dale: You said Valentine's Day was a silly holiday.
Bailey: Yeah, but I thought you'd get me something, anyway.

It'd be great of people remembered Pat's birthday without having to be reminded days or weeks, in-advance, but that doesn't always happen. With that in-mind, why shouldn't Pat give them a heads-up? Stubbornly choosing not to do so because of an often-unrealized ideal only hurts one person, in the long-run.

Terry and Jamie liked each other, but Terry's silence resulted in the one thing worse than love lost... and that's the love that never came to be. What's wrong with simply saying, "I like you," to that special person? Is it better to watch someone else end up with him or her, instead?

Bailey and Dale are already in a relationship, but it suffers unnecessarily when Bailey's words and expectations don't match.



Often, our pride, silence, social roles, and mixed signals often lead to poor communication and, ultimately, they lead to us not getting what we say we want the most. Maybe it's time to switch tactics.

I'll always be grateful to Dr. Hall for showing and teaching me that there are enough barriers to our professional, romantic, social, and familial happiness without us making it harder for ourselves.