Thursday, September 14, 2006

How I Suck Pt. 2 - Caring too Much

Continuing the "How I Suck" series, meant to demonstrate (and remind myself) that my shit, in fact, does "stank,"... I now present the second installment exactly one month after the first.

Simply put: I care too much.
Some will translate this as: Yo' ass is all up in othah people's b'ness.

Maybe, but if this is true, it's probably in cases where "other people' shared their business with the world, in general, or me, in particular.

But, whichever interpretation you may favor, the fact remains that I am bothered, too much, by other people's hardships and/or shortcomings (as I interpret them, anyway). Most of the time, I think I do my best to engage people as long as they're interested in my opinion. However, even if I don't share my opinion of them, with them, I still feel bad for them (or get upset with them).

If someone's complaining about how there aren't any good men left in the world, yet I think they're constantly chasing after the assholes and chasing away the good ones, I feel compelled to shed a little light on the trend, as I see it. If they continue to do these things, I do what I can to emotionally distance myself from that fact (which is difficult when you are or feel close to the person). I think that, overall, I do a decent enough job of this.

However, there are times when these things, perhaps, bother me more than they should. This is probably every time, to be honest, but it backs up on me in the long-term. In fact, I find myself in that situation, in this very moment. I think that's largely due to the fact that I've been exposed to a number of people (mostly women, now that I think about it) who'd much rather stay in the Matrix.

That blue pill does look tasty.

In fact, maybe it looks a little TOO tasty. Maybe I'm getting by on a steady diet of blue pills, myself. After all, I know the reality, yet I keep hoping for or expecting something different.

Maybe I'm emotionally immature, as evidenced by the fact that I've shown myself to be incapable of consciously and consistently limiting my emotional connection to people who aren't really interested in what I *think* I have to offer. Whether my opinions are right or wrong is one thing. How I deal with them is another.

If that last one is true, I'm in the middle of a nasty lil catch-22. Either I continue to engage people and try to mature, through trial-and-error OR I recognize my own shortcomings and STOP trying to engage people (in this way), thus limiting my potential growth and interaction with my fellow human-beings.

Some of us complain about trolls and other folks online who don't think of the rest of us as real people with real lives and feelings and concerns. One upside of being a troll, though, is that you don't get caught-up in other people's situations. You're just there to have "fun" and move on.

I don't know what the long-term answer to this one is, but in the short-term, at least, I plan to withdraw, somewhat, from arenas in which disappointment is so very predictable.

Little-to-nothing is gained by giving people what they don't want, even if they think they do.

*puts on emotional dunce-cap and sits in the corner*

8 comments:

Luke Cage said...

You'd better keep coming to my blog, that's all I know young lion!-lol- and put that stinkin' emotional dunce-cap in the trash can. There are folks who should be wearing it, unfortunately, actually, fortunately, YOU are not one of them. I have more to say about this post, but dammit, it's high noon and Cage is off to get his workout on. Be back in 2 hours! Rock on West!

SmilesD said...

Long time no speak Mr. West. From the looks of things on your blog, i.e. my missing link on your blogroll, I could be one of those trolls you're talking about. It's cool, no hard feelings.

And I just now realized my sign in name is different, so if you're wondering who I am, I am none other then Wyclefdoug, Doug, or whatever else you might know me as.

Speaking for myself, when it came to me and your online "relationship", I think you took me too seriously. Nine times out of Ten, the things that come out of my "mouth" online are said tounge in cheek and to get a laugh. I think our sense of humors are obviously different and that's really the bottom line to why you may or may not like me.

The whole, you're on my blogroll, you're not on my blogroll thing I don't really get. Once you're on mine, you stay no matter what you might do to piss me off. A lot of things on your blog I might disagree with completely, and that's often the case, but I'm not going to go delete you cause you don't say what I want. You still have things worth reading on here.

You were talking a few posts down about not surrounding yourself with "yes men", and that's it's good to get differing opinions. If that's the case, why take away that option by erasing someone from your blogroll?

And this isn't a plea to get back on yours. I really don't care one way or the other. It's just that when it came to me and you, you may have taken me too seriously. No fault of your own. It's hard to know what someone is truly "about" just be reading type.

Bottom line, you say a lot of stuff I disagree with, but you're still a cool dude. How you feel about me is how you feel, but I think I was probably misread.

And don't feel responsible for explaining if you like me or not, or why I was removed from the old blogroll. I was just inspired to say this stuff after reading this post of yours.

West said...

re: "The whole, you're on my blogroll, you're not on my blogroll thing I don't really get. Once you're on mine, you stay no matter what you might do to piss me off."

You seem to think it's a popularity contest and passive-aggressive way of expressing disapproval. Mostly, it's that I keep a list of blogs that I enjoy visiting. Once I don't enjoy visiting a blog, anymore, it comes off of my list.

I don't know how the rest of you do things, but this makes sense, to me.

re: "You were talking a few posts down about not surrounding yourself with "yes men", and that's it's good to get differing opinions. If that's the case, why take away that option by erasing someone from your blogroll?"

Removing you from my blogroll didn't erase the option of getting a different opinion from you, so it would seem that there's a flaw in your logic.

No diss, but the fact that you don't get this and that you don't understand why certain things are just plain ol' offensive... These are good examples of why I don't hang in your e-neighborhood, anymore.

There's disagreeing about the best p.c. operating system and then there's disagreeing about how to treat people. Not all disagreements are created equal. Some, like how to refer to and interact with our fellow human beings, cross a certain line... for me, anyway.

Instead of throwing salt in your game, I thought it made more sense to leave you to it.

I've got my faults, as this blog entry demonstrates, and one of them is that I may or may not be that I work mighty hard at not being a hypocrite. So, when someone says, for example, "That's so gay," as if "gay" is synonymous with "stupid," I respond the way I'd want someone to respond if they heard someone say, "Stop bein' such a nigger."

re: "And this isn't a plea to get back on yours. I really don't care one way or the other. It's just that when it came to me and you, you may have taken me too seriously. No fault of your own. It's hard to know what someone is truly "about" just be reading type.

Bottom line, you say a lot of stuff I disagree with, but you're still a cool dude. How you feel about me is how you feel, but I think I was probably misread.

And don't feel responsible for explaining if you like me or not, or why I was removed from the old blogroll. I was just inspired to say this stuff after reading this post of yours."


You've said what you had to say and you're welcome to say more whenever you wish.

I felt compelled to clarify your misconception that this blogroll thing is simply a popularity contest or something (or worse a way to block out all opposing opinions). There's plenty of evidence that this isn't the case. Whether you agree or disagree, I wanted to take the time to point that out a little.

The rest we will never agree on. I've done my best to accept that, which is one of the reasons I moved on. From my perspective, you just don't get it. In this case, "it" refers to some things that really matter, to me.

Doug said...

What makes you think I don't get "it"? I understand what you think is offensive, and I understand why. I flat out disagree. I get what you are saying, I don't agree. That's not, "not getting it". That's called differing opinion.

And because you are obsessed with use of the word "gay", if you could go back and up the total times the word was used by me on my blog, you'd get an impressive total of 1.

Some people have thick skin and some don't. You don't, and that's why you have so many digital heartbreaks.

West said...

I've got a low tolerance for what you're radiating, Doug, so I'll try to keep this brief.

re: "What makes you think I don't get "it"? I understand what you think is offensive, and I understand why. I flat out disagree. I get what you are saying, I don't agree. That's not, "not getting it". That's called differing opinion."

Doug, you think that me taking you and others off my blogroll means I'm running from differing opinions.

That's one of the things you don't get.

re: "And because you are obsessed with use of the word "gay", if you could go back and up the total times the word was used by me on my blog, you'd get an impressive total of 1."

Oh look, here's another.

You think that because I bring up your use of the word "gay," I'm only talking about your blog and as if your word count matters more than your attitude.

Your logic is seriously and regularly flawed.

re: "Some people have thick skin and some don't. You don't, and that's why you have so many digital heartbreaks."

You don't get it. Call it what you will.

Doug said...

The only thing I don't get is why you're so hypersensitive. Other then that we are on the same page. When confronted with differing opinion too long, you run. You, like everyone else need their "yes men".

West said...

Okay, doug.

West said...

It's going to be kinda hard, decreasing my exposure to people and places that I like and/or respect

One friend, in-particular, is dripping with the kinds of things that bring me down.

It's on ME to become mature enough to deal with it... or to stay away from it, as necessary.

I think I'm just getting these things from too many different sources, right now - personal and professional.

Being exposed to so much makes me less tolerant of each instance.