Monday, August 14, 2006

How I Suck...

Don't be mislead by the title. This is not a sexual post. If you're dying to read about "head,"though, never fear: viperteq's "Eating Cookie" has got you covered.

Now that we've covered what this isn't about, lemme tell you what it is: I spend a great deal of time criticizing others, which may give some the idea that I think "my shit don't stank." On the contrary.

My shit do stank. :p

I thought I'd devote a post or three to the flaws of west3man, just provide a bit of perspective (maybe even for myself).

I've got my share of "baggage." Now, baggage can be a good thing, in that it motivates us to protect what we value - including ourselves. Sometimes, we can over-do this, though.

I've come across so many folks who wanted to take advantage of me or others that I've grown somewhat cynical. I wonder if folks are trying to get over on me, if they're trying to make me look like a fool or take something valuable from me.

Basically, I see potential threats, all around me.

Sometimes, it's a compliment from a co-worker which smells a little too much like an insult in-disguise. Sometimes, it's an unexceptional expression of affection from a significant other. Sometimes, it's the words of a friend who seems much more interested in talking, than in listening.

Sometimes I'm right and sometimes I'm wrong, but maybe I worry about it a bit more than I should.

I'm not lacking the ability to trust. In fact, I think I do a pretty good job of stepping out on faith, when it counts the most.

But maybe, just maybe, I should try a bit harder. I don't know.


Remnants of U said...

Recognizing your weakness/fault/problem is the 1st step toward actually fixing the problem. Self reflection is very important.

chele said...

I see alot of what you wrote in myself. It's funny though because I'm all set to give you all kinds of support and I'm incapable of giving it to myself.

I don't trust anybody 100% and perhaps I/we should be more open to giving folks the benefit of the doubt.

West said...

'Preciate the feedback, ladies.

chele: Yeah. I believe in a nice balance of kindness and caution.
The former includes benefit-of-the-doubt... but I'm only willing to abandon my instincts and ignore contrary evidence, so much.

I've been rewarded for granting BotD and I've had my original concerns validated and confirmed - the latter moreso than the former.

I guess that's how I became the man I am, today.

Luke Cage said...

Sometimes I'm right and sometimes I'm wrong, but maybe I worry about it a bit more than I should.

West, I think you actually worry about too much. I know because I've been there where I considered and thought about everything with a attention like ferver that maybe that thing didn't need to have.

Don't get me wrong. I love it that you realize your flaws and are attempting to fix or adjust them. I had a blog on that alone just last year how I virtually revamped my entire persona because I had so many issues with myself. You don't have to go to that extreme, but recognizing there's something there is just as important. Nice job man.

West said...

Thanks, Cage.

While I'm pretty happy with who I am, introspection is a must.

Continuous improvement.

princessdominique said...

It's a defense mechanism. As your surround yourself with people you trust it'll change slowly but surely.