Do you make a phonecall, write a letter, send an e-mail, or have a talk? None of the above?
For some time, now, I've been of the opinion that those who just pack up and haul ass, without a word, are cowards. (Apparently, Gabrielle Union pulled this on a guy she was living with because she didn't like the idea of having to face him when she dumped him.) Barring abusive situations, it seemed, to me, that you kinda owe your partner a bit of closure.These days, I'm having second-thoughts. (It's not that I'm trying to figure out how to dump anyone, by the way. Let me just say that, now. We're just talking here.) A lot of times, one person dumps another because one or both of them are unhappy in the relationship. Often, that's because one of them doesn't "get it."
Sometimes, when someone doesn't "get" something, no amount of explanations will change that fact. As I type this out, though, I find that I still believe in telling a person what's what. Whether they get it or not, they probably deserve to retain a degree of dignity with the demise of their relationship. Part of that is having a face-to-face conversation with the person who's ending it.
I even extend this standard to many other situations, like one that Serial Dater recently mentioned. A man was interested in a woman, but she wasn't interested in him. Instead of telling him she was uninterested, she went to great lengths to HINT him to-death, even involving a stranger (i.e. our man Serial).
Serial even suggested that she just tell the guy what's what, but she was convinced it wouldn't work. Hell, I wasn't there. She may have been 100% correct in her prediction, for all I know.
Still, I think it'd be a good idea to tell a person you're uninterested before you refer to him as a stalker and come up with complicated plans with strangers... who could turn out to be stalkers, for all you know (no diss to our man Serial, of course :-) ).
But that's just my opinion.
4 comments:
I guess everyone deserves the respect of a face-to-face honest dump. That sounds weird.
I hate telling people to get lost and I would much rather be the dumpee and not the dumper. But since I'm so daggone adorable no man ever wants to leave me! LOL As a result, I have stayed in situations much longer than I should have.
I agree regarding the "stalker" comment. If you just tell someone honestly that you're not feeling them they will probably go away. After all, why would you want someone that doesn't want you?
I feel you.
I know some people react very poorly to being dumped, though. Some really flip out or aren't interested in the truth, even though they ask for it.
But despite all that, unless there's a real threat there, I think being up-front is in all of our best-interests.
Wow, how do you just leave someone that you have been living with, and not tell them anything? Yes, I agree in that situation that you need to talk.
But the stalker at the club...and I do have a particular picture in mind...Actually happened to me the other day. Mind you I wasn't even at a club. It was daytime, pouring rain actually. And I was sitting on a table under an umbrella waiting for the rain to subside so I could get to my car. The guy came over & spoke, and I said hi. But the red glossy eyes, slurred speech & smell of alcohol gave him away. So I didn't say anything else to him. He then proceeded to slur his speech at other women walking by. So I ignored him as did everyone else. :-)
I can't blame you, rem.
Sometimes, it's best to say nothing to certain folks. Drunk mo' fo's qualify as "certain folks," in my book. :-p
I have noticed, though, that women seem much more likely to completely ignore some guy they're not interested in, if he approaches. Most guys, as far as I know, may not give her any play (or they may just get with her and dog her out), but they don't diss them in the moment, in front of a bunch of folks.
Which is better probably depends on one's perspective. I'm sure there are a number of guys, out there, who'd LOVE to get a little sex out of the deal before they get igged.
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