Monday, April 23, 2007

♪ "La Di Da Di, We Gots t'Potty" ♫

"African-American Dad's" recent post, "FORGET RAPPERS, LET’S GO AFTER PUBLIC BATHROOM DESIGNERS!," reminded me of an experience from 10+ years, ago.

We were having a family reunion at a park in Pensacola, Florida and folks came in from across the country. This was one of those reunions where you find yourself meeting family members for the first time.

Well, my cousin was having a conversation with someone (probably one of the "new" family members) when her son said he needed to hit the park restroom. To give her a break, I stepped in and said I'd take him.

It wasn't until we got into the restroom that I thought to ask just how... involved I'd need to be in the process... and which "process" he had in-mind. Luckily, it was just a #1.

To avoid any unnecessarily awkward moments, I asked him, "Can you do it by yourself?"


Unfortunately, his business end wasn't high enough to reach the toilet, so, after dropping trow, he needed me to hold him in the air while he relieved himself. This took both of my hands, so it was a good thing he could handle the rest by himself, right? RIGHT?!


I held him up in the air and that boy started pissin' EVERYwhere.

"Aim it! Point it at the toilet!"

No dice.

I was NOT prepared to try to "aim" him in any way except using his entire body. We had limited success with that approach, but at least his clothing stayed dry.

I think I may have told him to "shake it"* before pulling up his clothes and beating feet outta there before someone found the mess.

So, yeah. I think "AAD" may be onto something.

* - For those that don't know (like a young mother I knew back when), males do/should "shake" their goodies, maybe even going so far as to squeeze it like a tube of toothpaste. Why? Well, have you ever finished using a garden hose, then picked it up only to have water unexpectedly pour or drizzle out of it and onto you? Okay, imagine that garden hose is a man-hose and imagine that water is piss. Better to make sure it's completely empty or you'll have the pissiest drawers in town.


Miz JJ said...

Don't do dudes wipe? I am so ignorant, but I figure you guys wipe it off? You just shake it? Really?? Interesting. I have discovered that lack of aim is not exclusive to little children.

Anonymous said...

First laugh of the day... Thanks.

West said...

miz jj: Wipe? I don't think it's the necessity for us that it is for girls and ladies.

Personally, (if it's not TMI) wiping
is on a case-by-case basis.

beef mug: Heh. Glad I could help.

Shai said...

So West hygiene of the hose is not necessary. And then some men wonder why women will not go down them. SMH. LOL.

West said...

Oh. No. You. Di-in't!

Hygiene is a must. Annnnd, I'm gonna stop there before I venture much further into TMI territory.

Michael May said...

I'm gonna stay safe on this side of TMI territory too and just congratulate you for stepping up to help the little guy and his mom out. That's a hilarious story. :)

Angie said...

See this is the stuff you don't know if you don't have brothers or sons! I love it. Squeeze it like a tube of toothpaste ?!? Hee hee!

Anonymous said...

LOL. That's a great potty story. Wait until... OK I won't go there, but just you wait. Thanks for supporting the movement!