When telling the following story, recently, I was reminded of that song. No matter what, I just couldn't win.
Gross humor follows.
Picture a 3-year-old west3boy, complete with afro, baby-teeth, and elastic waistbands. At that age, I was like those long-term prisoners that can't squeeze out a drop unless someone gives'em permission to go to the restroom, first."You Can't Win"
Well, on one particular occasion, I found myself having to do squeeze out more than "a drop." To be blunt, I had to pinch a loaf.
Before I could do that, though, I needed to get an adult's permission to go to the restroom. Those were the rules, as I understood them.
"Can I go to the baffroooom?!"
Try as I might, though, I could not get the grown-ups to stop talking to each other or about whatever was going on at the table and to START paying attention to me. I kept it up, though, and eventually someone responded like, "I don't care, boy! Go use the bathroom!"
The irony of adults setting up the rules just to bark at me for obeying them was not completely lost on me. Still, I barely had time to digest the unfairness of this faceless grown-up's tone. I was too busy haulin' ass.
I got in the restroom thinking, "HOLD it IN!" I lifted up the lid. "HOLD IT IN!" And, I pulled down my pants and my undies. "HOLD IT ..."
I couldn't hold it in.
I shat on the frickin' floor.
Damn. Now, in my very few years on this Earth, I hadn't come across the accepted public policy when it came to accidental shits.
I looked at my crap. I looked at the bowl.
Now, clearly, these two things are supposed to interact more than they were, at that moment. The obvious answer was to bring them together in some way.
So, I bent over, grabbed my turd, and prepared to drop it in the bowl.
At that moment (of course), an adult opened the door (I must've been REALLY young, not to have locked it... or just in a damned big hurry) and saw my lil ass standing there with a hunka shit in my hand.
"Boy, 'the hell you doin' in here playin' wit' yo' sheeyit?!"
Before I could explain the entire ironic sequence of events, I'm pretty sure I was gettin' my ass whupped.
Listen to your kids, folks. Please.