Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Condolences to Nikki

When I see you wince, then I feel pain.
If you see clouds, then I feel rain.

I know there's not much I can say
to make that aching go away.
All I can do is show I care
and try to make yo' ass aware
of the things you know I know you know
of the way you show you glow and grow

from the way your uncle shared himself
from the debts he paid with all the wealth
of tales and humor, words and presence.
Some may search from adolescence
all of their lives for that connection.
Falling so short of perfection.

Know that I'm one of those souls
hoping that his family knows
the depth of love I truly feel
and that they know my ass for real-
not just the me they hoped to see
when I was knee-high to a flea.

The gift of truly knowing others
knowing sisters, knowing brothers
is so much more rare than we know.
Worth so much more than some show.

Sure, I can't tell you what you had.
I'll just remind you to be glad
that you were one of those few blessed.
Know you've got a friend in West
Know that this ear's for you to use
to sing your joy or share your blues.

You may never take me up on this.
Too busying offering your kiss
of words and flow
those things you know
that help us all to learn and grow.

Relating things that most can't say.
Relating things your Darling way.

If this hug works without a touch
I'm glad. But sad it sucks so much.



nikki said...

WEST. i can't even begin to express just how amazing your poem is. i am extremely moved and feel so blessed to have a friend in you. thank you so much for even thinking of me enough to write such heartfelt words on my behalf.

thank you again, west. i'm simply moved beyond words. you are beautiful human being.

West said...

Thanks. I really don't know what to say.

I lost a baby cousin about 8 years, ago. Seeing one of the only pictures that were ever taken of him in the less than twelve months he was on this earth left me with physical pain.

I know it's not right to say this kinda thing, but I think it hurt MORE because he had the sweetest little face. He looked JUST like his Mom did as a baby (which my old ass is craggly enough to remember).

I hate to imagine what his Mom went through. He was my cousin and God-son and I was all cut up inside.

I swear that what got me through that was flipping the coin, so to speak, and focusing on how glad I was that we EVER even got to see and hold and love him.

I mean, would I have preferred that I never bonded with him or that he'd never been born? Of course not.

Focusing on the joy I got from the lives of those I've loved but who are no longer here is what helps ME the most. I don't know that it'll be helpful to anyone else, but all I can do is put it out there.

Hmm... I guess I had SOMEthing to say after all.