Q: "If an offensive person makes an offensive comment, alone in the woods, is it still offensive?"
A: "Probably so."
I've had a number of conversations recently and over the past few years with people who seem to think that offensive behavior is fine as long as the speaker doesn't think the people he's talking about will hear him.
Follow that? Maybe this hypothetical will help:
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Jim (greeting his buddy): Hey! What's up, faggot? How are you holdin' up, these days? I heard about the new baby. Congrats, man.
Bob: Dude, what's UP?! Life's good, man. Y'know, ups and downs. We're up all hours with the baby and I've gotta work on Sheila's car, this weekend. I'm not lookin' forward to THAT shit, at ALL. If she hadn't let her brother use it to chauffeur his girl around in the FIRST PLACE, it wouldn't have gotten fucked up. The bastard didn't even bother to tell us he screwed it up, either, so you KNOW he ain't gonna pay to get it fixed!
Jim: That's so gay. You oughta kick his ass on general principle.
Bob: Damned straight.
Frank: Hey, what's up fellas?!
Jim: Hey, man.
Bob: Yo.
Frank: Me and Marie were walkin' by and we heard all that "gay" and "fag" talk. That's not cool.
Jim: What do you guys care?
Bob: For real. Screw all that p.c. shit, man. We ain't at work.
Frank: I'm just sayin'. That's all. Anyway, it looks like she's ready to check-out. Catch you guys, later.
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Here we have two straight, white males have a private conversation in which they say "fags" (in the American sense) and use "gay" as a synonym for "stupid," "bad," etc. They don't think there are any gay people within earshot and are not making these statements with the intention of offending gays.
As far as they are concerned, if any heterosexuals that happen to hear this conversation and find the language offensive, that's just too bad and shouldn't reflect poorly on the participants in the conversation. In fact, if straight folks are offended by the conversation, they're more or less busy-bodies who are being offended *for* other folks instead of just letting those folks speak up for themselves. So, apparently, the only offensive party in this situation would be the offended passers-by (even if they're acquainted with the speakers).
Personally, I think this is bullshit and I've felt compelled to say so often enough, recently, that I decided to post about it. This isn't about any one person, by the way. I just had another conversation about this, this morning, so it's really a commentary on a trend that concerns me.
One could easily tweak that conversation so that it refers to "Blacks" and "niggers" instead of "gay" and "fags." If *I* walked my Black ass up on that conversation, I'd have a problem with it - not just because I'm Black and NOT just because I happened to HEAR it, that time. The problem is in the saying and the doing, not simply that you got caught in the act. It's the mindset associated with such behavior that's a problem, as well as the fact that it can be harmful.
* A lie is a lie, even if no one calls you on it.
* Stealing is stealing, even if you never get caught.
* And, as far as I'm concerned, certain behavior is a offensive, even if there's no one around to get offended... or if those who are aren't in the "right" group.
Sure, there are degrees of offense, but just because the thermometer goes from 100° to 98°, that doesn't mean it's not still hot outside.
Oh yeah, and as far as being offended FOR people, if somebody slapped my mother, I'd be pretty pissed, then. Call all women bitches and you're talking about my mother, my aunts, my girlfriend, and every other woman I know. In some ways, it's not as bad as insulting them personally, but in some ways it's even worse.
Sure, I'm a man, but personally, I've got a problem with the idea that the only time we should give a damn about something is when it directly affects us.
4 comments:
Big difference between calling your girlfriend a slut and equating "woman," "gay," or "Black," with "stupid."
Huge.
re: "I agree, but I think people assume if you say, "I say gay to mean stupid", that you are saying being gay is stupid."
Yes. That's what I think.
re: "That one word has multiple definitions now. When most people say "that's gay", I seriously believe most of them only mean, that's stupid,weird, etc. I don't think in the back of their mind they are thinking about sexual preferences and whether or not they have a problem with it."
Why do kids take Latin before entering spelling bee's and taking the PSAT and SAT? They do so because knowing the origins of words can provide insight into their current meanings. There's a connection.
The definition of "gay" isn't likely to jump from "homosexual" to "stupid" unless someone thinks of homosexuals as stupid.
That is the implication of using the term that way.
If I say, "Wow, you really Bushed that up," there's strong reason to believe that I think you're doing something that Bush did, does, or represents. You'd know that immediately when I made the statement because that's how these things work.
I see no reason to suggest that "gay" is the exception to that rule.
I will give props, though, for "lame" or whatever example that was that you gave.
Wow Doug, you're such a peadophile.
What? Surely you didn't take it to mean I was suggesting that you molest children. It's like when you call your soon to be ex-girlfriend a slut in public.
Okay, well how about if I call you a rapist? Doug the big fat rapist child molestor.
Lighten up, Doug. It's just a joke. What does it matter if someone overhears and makes an assumption that you are a disgusting scumbucket? You don't care about their opinion.
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